Bacon

Yes, you can cook a whole pound of bacon for 13 people. No, we won’t be throwing any out. Yes, I think we can eat that much. I think we can eat that much in the first 30 seconds.

Cows in the Yard

When you hear the phrase “cows in the yard” bellowed in the early morning, it helps if you’re a dog. Dogs apparently know instinctively that this means you must chase the cows. You love chasing cows! To a person, though, someone not living and breathing the daily reality of the farm, it’s like someone just started shouting random facts. Air under your chair! Ants in the earth! Gravity applies to you!

Waffles

If you don’t like cooking for large groups, please don’t do it. If you insist on doing it, please don’t make something that is extremely slow, like waffles. It’s a bad idea, one that makes you homicidal in under five minutes. Who wants to spend the post-breakfast period mopping up the blood, sweat, and tears? Not even my sister enjoys that, and she likes work.